by Xenia Dee on Thursday, July 26, 2012 at 12:57pm
I’m the caterpillar trying to break out of my cocoon, not because it served as a chrysalis, but because I felt helpless and choked inside this small little space with no room to breathe. How enticing is the world outside? i consistently ask myself. How tempting is the freedom that awaits me far beyond this ghastly colored world.
I’m the caterpillar wanting to grow something that will get me up and away. Something….. anything to get me as far away from here as possible. Away from the rubbish that rots my soul and leaves me useless and ungrateful. Away from the doubts and fears that I have of the unknown-of what is to come. Away from security–away from being ordinary and bland. Away from sanity and sanitary. Away from this self that I loathe and am willing to disregard.
My wanting to escape gives me strength to open the fibers of this brown case slowly, more like Pandora opening that box that she hoped would give her eternity. I made a small opening and inhaled. One breath of fresh air and I am ecstatic, one glimpse of this different light and I am renewed. I feel stronger, confident, secure that this is my hearts’ desire.
Hopeful, I take a peek at the small hole that I made through the cocoon—-and i SIGH!
It’s nothing like I’ve ever seen, felt nor touched before, exceeding all my expectations! It’s BEAUTIFUL!
The freedom of knowing that there is something higher, grander and more significant than this world that I live in right now is overpowering the caterpillar in me. There is a higher purpose for me, other than just being slaved and confirmed to the world that I am in. The cocoon has never been my home. It is not our home. My eyes are opened for the very first time, the scales that covered it fell out. I was right all along. This cocoon cannot hold me down. It is but a mere facade to compared to the glory and beauty that is before me. And oh, what beauty it was. What was once a life of despair, boredom, shallowness, uselessness, sin, shame and insecurities has now become exciting, wild, free, lovely, fulfulling—a life of purpose!!! Before me, i smell new life; I feel it; I could taste it!
A rush of adrenaline enveloped me and i tore the cocoon off of me, leaving me bare and new. The light was blinding but my eyes was fixed on the ONE who was in front of me. Has He been waiting there at the other side of the cocoon all along? How long has He been waiting for me? Why is He waiting for me? Beauty surrounded Him, and the glory that surrounds Him my body could not stand. Oh, such beauty!! All that my heart heard from Him was that He welcomes me and He loves me. That He has been waiting for me to let go of being a caterpillar,to then die as a caterpillar, and arise in beauty. My eyes only saw the Maker of me. I never left His gaze, and He never left mine. My heart stopped beating for a couple seconds, it was like synchronizing to the beating of His heart. And when it started to come alive for the second time, I realized that I wasn’t living for myself anymore but for Him. In Him and with Him and through Him, I am free, for He is freedom. I have been redeemed! I am set free!!
For we know that our old self was crucified with Him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin because anyone who has died has been set free from sin. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.
I stepped forward into my new life–and there wasn’t any hint of fear–none at all. For the very moment that I gave up my cocoon, He blessed me with WINGS.