Category: Faith Journey

Asking for MORE

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Last year, I asked God to test my faith. Not to give me what I want but to see more of Him. I get to know God more each day when I read the Bible but I wanted more. I wanted to know and experience God more in my own walk with Him. And so, I prayed for Him to take me to a more deep faith.

That’s 5 “more” there…

Just like when Elisha asked Elijah a double portion of his spirit, I asked God for more of Him.

Just rewinding a bit in 2012…

God gave me this burden to consider going for a full time ministry work. It is a privileged joy to be able to serve God fulltime.  However, I also wanted to fulfill my own dreams for myself and for my family. I can’t see my dream getting realized if I’ll go fulltime.

In a retreat that year, we were asked to write something that we want to surrender to the Lord. Right there, God asked me to surrender my plans and dreams to Him, to just totally let go. It broke my heart. As I wrote and committed it to the Lord, I was in tears. I felt like a portion of me was taken away.

After that, I just told God, I have done my part, now do Yours.

Forwarding to 2013…

There were no doors opened for a full time ministry work. God even gave me a better opportunity for growth in my IT career. It was a dream role I never thought I could have. I thought maybe God wanted me to stay after all. I got so energized with my work that somehow I forgot that desire of going full time for a ministry.

Then latter part of the year, a door for a ministry job opened. Work in my company became stressful and “spiritually” exhausting. I applied for the ministry opportunity. I considered resigning.

Not certain if I’ll be accepted for the position, I took a big leap of faith and submitted my resignation. And on my last day at work, I received the news for my ministry application that I was not accepted.

That’s what happened when you asked God to test your faith. Things don’t go your way. But it allowed me to experience God in a very, very, very personal way. Indeed, He wanted me to grow deeper in my faith.

I asked God why He wanted me to resign when He knew that I will not be accepted for that ministry. The response I got from Him – your character, your heart, more important than where you will serve me. The condition of my heart was not pleasing to Him anymore. Disgusting enough that God, full of grace and love had to remove me from something I might not be able to handle.

As I started 2014, I have never been more uncertain with my life. But that’s when deeper faith happens. All I know is that I have a SOVEREIGN GOD who cares for my heart more than what I can bring to Him.

Remember that dream I surrendered in 2012? Years before that, I wanted to apply for a permanent residency in Canada. However, I did not make it to the 2 years of full work experience. I got short of 3 months. I told God that if He really wanted me to apply, He will find another way. Start of 2013, the qualification changed. From 2 years, they only required 1 year. I was qualified. Then, hesitation came. I told God I surrendered this dream to Him already. I’m choosing to go full time.

But God is just amazing. He used someone to push me to apply. Did you ever have that peace that transcends all understanding? I had this sudden peace in me, confirming that I’m doing the right thing. Amazingly, everything went so smooth with my application. And with all the uncertainties I had at the start of the year, I received an email last February. My application for Canada got approved.

I gave God a jaw-dropping expression (literally). A face in awe of SOMEONE I can never fathom and describe but very real, very personal.

I’m excited how this year will turn out to be. 2013 has been a very interesting, growing, exciting year for me. This year, I’m just letting God continue to mold me, surprise me, amaze me, change me. After all, that’s just the way HE is – An Extravagant, Loving Father.

Last year, my theme verse was Hebrews 11:1 as God took me to a deeper faith.  “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

I started this year – no job, plans surrendered, and full of uncertainties. I was only holding on to the ONE certainty in my life, my Lord and Savior Jesus.

This is my theme verse for 2014 – Philippians 3:7-8: “But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. “

Please pray for me as I seek God to give me a fresh vision before I leave for Canada. More than a fulfilled dream, this journey has always been about Him. I just want to make sure that when I move, I have a clear vision to remind me of why I went there in the first place.

Thank you to everyone who prayed with me on this journey. (Philippians 1:3 – “I thank my God every time I remember you.”)

In this life, it only takes a faith as small as a mustard seed to believe that God loves you so much and He cares about you that He wants to be involved in all aspects of your life. God will not force you. You have to decide if you want to believe. (And, I hope you do.)

To the only amazing God be all the glory!

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It’s Not Complicated

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In my Bible reading, I’m now in the chapters of the Book of Exodus when God gave instruction to Moses in building the tabernacle, altar, etc. You know all the details and measurements. Every time I read these chapters, I’m always reminded of how God cares even to the smallest details. He was very specific of the color, size and length and materials to be used. The small details mattered to Him. Another thing I’m also reminded of, God is not complicated. When He gave the instruction to Moses, it was direct and complete, no guessing games or whatsoever.

As I reflect of who God is also in my life, He is also the same. He cares for the smallest details in my life. I remembered when I was trying to catch the last bus trip and I was still in the train. With my estimate, I know I will miss the bus but I asked for a little miracle from God. I made it to the last trip. I realized God cared for my transportation going home. There have been a lot of instances in my life that I never thought would matter to God, but every time I whisper a prayer, He would give me those little miracles which made me love God more. Indeed, He is also into the small details of our life.

If there’s such thing as “It’s Complicated” status in Facebook, with God, nothing is complicated. How He gave instruction to Moses, everything was laid out. Moses did not need to figure out what God was trying to say to Him. God gave all the details for Moses to execute. In my journey with God, He has shown the same. His yes is a clear yes and no a clear no. We sometimes think that God’s plan for us is something that we need to figure out or it’s a mystery. As I learn to totally trust Him, I realized that there is nothing to figure out. All we really need to do is to trust and obey. God gives answers in the proper time. And when He answers, it is always clear.

Last week, I became impatient with God. He asked me to resign last year and I thought that He would let me work full time in my church. The first position I applied, I was not selected. Another position was offered to me, I got excited and I thought this was what God really planned for me. Then, I was told last week that the start date was uncertain due to change of priorities.  I felt sad and cried. I was being a brat with God asking what He really wanted me to do. God was giving me a clear “No”. Twice. Very clear, right? And so, I conceded.

But God does not give us a “No” answer for no reason at all. Last Saturday, I received the email that I have been waiting for a long time. It was for my PR application in Canada, the immigration is requesting for my passport so that they could give me my visa. This was something I prayed to God and deeply asked Him not to give me a “No”.  And indeed, He did not! My application got approved! 🙂 And now, everything is making sense!

His No to me is a Yes to what is best for me and for His work for the church. God is not complicated. We are the ones making it complicated because of our impatience and lack of faith.

“God is not a God of disorder but of peace.” 1 Corinthians 14:33

The Great Unknown

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The Great Unknown 

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When you think you got it all figured out, you’re wrong.

All you can do is to continue figuring it out until you reach that point that you can’t even remember what you were trying to figure out.

Making sense?

Not really, right?

Exactly.

The moment you keep figuring things out, you will realize that they just don’t make sense at all.

Well, from your perspective.

There is a vision but the path towards that vision is just blurry.

But then, what can you really do?

Stop looking? Stop pondering? Stop figuring it out?

Unfortunately, that’s the only thing you can do when you don’t really know what you need to do.

You really need to stop.

Instead, keep praying. Keep trusting.

No matter what, never lose faith.

It will somehow break your heart but HE will never fail you.

You will shed some tears but HE will restore your joy.

It will test your patience but HE will sustain you no matter how long the waiting will be.

You just have to hold on to the promise that HE has the best ahead of you.

Just enjoy the journey of resting in HIM. Be still.

For what is the great unknown to you is the greatest known plan to HIM.

Someday, you’ll see.

And, you’ll be in awe.

Certain Uncertainties

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August 8, 2005 will always be an unforgettable date. That’s when God opened the doors of the corporate world for me being a fresh graduate. The job hunting days were filled with buckets of tears and sweat that I never wanted to go through again.

December 31, 2013 is another date to remember. That’s when God closed that door, for how long? I’m not really sure.

I get different responses and reactions from people who learned that I was leaving my work of more than 8 years. They saw how I’ve greatly experienced different forms of blessings through my work that it seems to be a waste to just leave like that.

But, I totally understand these kind of responses. To be able to find a new job is never easier than leaving the current one.

However, I had to leave. Why? Because God said so…

A full time ministry work opened three months ago which I felt was an answered prayer of my desire of doing full time work for the church. With much prayer, I applied. A month after, I decided to submit my resignation even without the certainty that I’ll get the full time work. God gave me peace for my decision. The timing of events for my application was God’s way of affirming me that I did the right thing.

As I went through the last few steps of my application, I was having the confidence that I’m already in.  I just had to wait on the next final steps.

December 27, Friday was my last day in the company since the rest of the days of the month were holidays. As I was returning all company assets, I felt God telling me “I just want you out from there.”  I took it as it is, didn’t bother to even ask what He meant by it.

That Friday night, I checked my personal emails and got an update for my ministry application. They did not select me for the position.

My first reaction – I laughed. I felt like I got “punked” or something. Seriously, the news had to break on my last day?!

I realized God made things happen to push me to a decision that I will not waver. I thought I got everything figured out after I resign. However, God has a very different plan in mind. He just used that situation to get me out of there. Who am I to complain and question? God brought me to that world in the first place. He can always take me out from that world however and whenever He wanted to.

I felt sad with the result of my application. But it made me more excited of God’s amazing plan for my life. Right now, the only thing I’m certain about is the uncertainties in my life. I just have to live each day by faith – much deeper faith.

As I went through this journey, I got reminded that my life is indeed not about me. My life has always been about God and what He can do through me. He is the one who enabled me to go through this journey and He will be the one who will get the glory for how this journey will turn out to be.

God never wanted us to live by what our eyes can only see or our mind can only comprehend. He always wanted us to live by faith on Him.

 “For we live by faith, not by sight.” 2 Cor 5:7 

 The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!”  He replied, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree,‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.”  Luke 17:5-6

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Delays are not denials

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As I shared in my previous blogs, I was working on my PR application for Canada with all the requirements and stuff.

I’m happy to say that I made it to the required score for my IELTS exam! Praise God for that! Just a little story about it – I was really nervous that I would fail especially my listening exam. It’s really where I was struggling the most when I was doing my self reviews. I was more confident with my writing and speaking since I believe they were my strengths. And you know what, I got the lowest in my writing. I was actually expecting it because I really got stuck in my writing when I can’t even properly elaborate my thoughts about a topic that I totally have no idea! I realized how difficult to write about something you really don’t know anything about. But as always, God is really good. I needed a 6 for my writing and He gave me a 6! 🙂 That was really close. I placed everything in God’s hands after I took the exam.

I already submitted my PR application. It was really a challenging process with all the documents and requirements that I need to procure. Not to forget the very tedious details that I should follow in the instruction kit. But really really helpful. After a month of submitting my application, I got my application number. Yay! 🙂

I’ve been expecting their next updates after 2 months I got my application number but I haven’t heard still. There has been an ongoing strike in the immigration offices which could possibly cause the delays. But then, I told myself, God’s timetable is always perfect. His timing is always right. While I’m waiting for the next update, I still have enough time to prepare for what’s to come. And if this is really what God would want me to have, it will happen.

I was reminded by a status post in FB and I really agree, indeed, God’s delays are not God’s denials. He holds what lies ahead. He knows what’s best. As long as we are aligned to His will, we will learn to wait by faith.

Please pray for me as I press on to this journey. 🙂

God bless!