Tag: full-time

Asking for MORE

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Last year, I asked God to test my faith. Not to give me what I want but to see more of Him. I get to know God more each day when I read the Bible but I wanted more. I wanted to know and experience God more in my own walk with Him. And so, I prayed for Him to take me to a more deep faith.

That’s 5 “more” there…

Just like when Elisha asked Elijah a double portion of his spirit, I asked God for more of Him.

Just rewinding a bit in 2012…

God gave me this burden to consider going for a full time ministry work. It is a privileged joy to be able to serve God fulltime.  However, I also wanted to fulfill my own dreams for myself and for my family. I can’t see my dream getting realized if I’ll go fulltime.

In a retreat that year, we were asked to write something that we want to surrender to the Lord. Right there, God asked me to surrender my plans and dreams to Him, to just totally let go. It broke my heart. As I wrote and committed it to the Lord, I was in tears. I felt like a portion of me was taken away.

After that, I just told God, I have done my part, now do Yours.

Forwarding to 2013…

There were no doors opened for a full time ministry work. God even gave me a better opportunity for growth in my IT career. It was a dream role I never thought I could have. I thought maybe God wanted me to stay after all. I got so energized with my work that somehow I forgot that desire of going full time for a ministry.

Then latter part of the year, a door for a ministry job opened. Work in my company became stressful and “spiritually” exhausting. I applied for the ministry opportunity. I considered resigning.

Not certain if I’ll be accepted for the position, I took a big leap of faith and submitted my resignation. And on my last day at work, I received the news for my ministry application that I was not accepted.

That’s what happened when you asked God to test your faith. Things don’t go your way. But it allowed me to experience God in a very, very, very personal way. Indeed, He wanted me to grow deeper in my faith.

I asked God why He wanted me to resign when He knew that I will not be accepted for that ministry. The response I got from Him – your character, your heart, more important than where you will serve me. The condition of my heart was not pleasing to Him anymore. Disgusting enough that God, full of grace and love had to remove me from something I might not be able to handle.

As I started 2014, I have never been more uncertain with my life. But that’s when deeper faith happens. All I know is that I have a SOVEREIGN GOD who cares for my heart more than what I can bring to Him.

Remember that dream I surrendered in 2012? Years before that, I wanted to apply for a permanent residency in Canada. However, I did not make it to the 2 years of full work experience. I got short of 3 months. I told God that if He really wanted me to apply, He will find another way. Start of 2013, the qualification changed. From 2 years, they only required 1 year. I was qualified. Then, hesitation came. I told God I surrendered this dream to Him already. I’m choosing to go full time.

But God is just amazing. He used someone to push me to apply. Did you ever have that peace that transcends all understanding? I had this sudden peace in me, confirming that I’m doing the right thing. Amazingly, everything went so smooth with my application. And with all the uncertainties I had at the start of the year, I received an email last February. My application for Canada got approved.

I gave God a jaw-dropping expression (literally). A face in awe of SOMEONE I can never fathom and describe but very real, very personal.

I’m excited how this year will turn out to be. 2013 has been a very interesting, growing, exciting year for me. This year, I’m just letting God continue to mold me, surprise me, amaze me, change me. After all, that’s just the way HE is – An Extravagant, Loving Father.

Last year, my theme verse was Hebrews 11:1 as God took me to a deeper faith.  “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

I started this year – no job, plans surrendered, and full of uncertainties. I was only holding on to the ONE certainty in my life, my Lord and Savior Jesus.

This is my theme verse for 2014 – Philippians 3:7-8: “But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. “

Please pray for me as I seek God to give me a fresh vision before I leave for Canada. More than a fulfilled dream, this journey has always been about Him. I just want to make sure that when I move, I have a clear vision to remind me of why I went there in the first place.

Thank you to everyone who prayed with me on this journey. (Philippians 1:3 – “I thank my God every time I remember you.”)

In this life, it only takes a faith as small as a mustard seed to believe that God loves you so much and He cares about you that He wants to be involved in all aspects of your life. God will not force you. You have to decide if you want to believe. (And, I hope you do.)

To the only amazing God be all the glory!

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It’s Not Complicated

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In my Bible reading, I’m now in the chapters of the Book of Exodus when God gave instruction to Moses in building the tabernacle, altar, etc. You know all the details and measurements. Every time I read these chapters, I’m always reminded of how God cares even to the smallest details. He was very specific of the color, size and length and materials to be used. The small details mattered to Him. Another thing I’m also reminded of, God is not complicated. When He gave the instruction to Moses, it was direct and complete, no guessing games or whatsoever.

As I reflect of who God is also in my life, He is also the same. He cares for the smallest details in my life. I remembered when I was trying to catch the last bus trip and I was still in the train. With my estimate, I know I will miss the bus but I asked for a little miracle from God. I made it to the last trip. I realized God cared for my transportation going home. There have been a lot of instances in my life that I never thought would matter to God, but every time I whisper a prayer, He would give me those little miracles which made me love God more. Indeed, He is also into the small details of our life.

If there’s such thing as “It’s Complicated” status in Facebook, with God, nothing is complicated. How He gave instruction to Moses, everything was laid out. Moses did not need to figure out what God was trying to say to Him. God gave all the details for Moses to execute. In my journey with God, He has shown the same. His yes is a clear yes and no a clear no. We sometimes think that God’s plan for us is something that we need to figure out or it’s a mystery. As I learn to totally trust Him, I realized that there is nothing to figure out. All we really need to do is to trust and obey. God gives answers in the proper time. And when He answers, it is always clear.

Last week, I became impatient with God. He asked me to resign last year and I thought that He would let me work full time in my church. The first position I applied, I was not selected. Another position was offered to me, I got excited and I thought this was what God really planned for me. Then, I was told last week that the start date was uncertain due to change of priorities.  I felt sad and cried. I was being a brat with God asking what He really wanted me to do. God was giving me a clear “No”. Twice. Very clear, right? And so, I conceded.

But God does not give us a “No” answer for no reason at all. Last Saturday, I received the email that I have been waiting for a long time. It was for my PR application in Canada, the immigration is requesting for my passport so that they could give me my visa. This was something I prayed to God and deeply asked Him not to give me a “No”.  And indeed, He did not! My application got approved! 🙂 And now, everything is making sense!

His No to me is a Yes to what is best for me and for His work for the church. God is not complicated. We are the ones making it complicated because of our impatience and lack of faith.

“God is not a God of disorder but of peace.” 1 Corinthians 14:33

Certain Uncertainties

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August 8, 2005 will always be an unforgettable date. That’s when God opened the doors of the corporate world for me being a fresh graduate. The job hunting days were filled with buckets of tears and sweat that I never wanted to go through again.

December 31, 2013 is another date to remember. That’s when God closed that door, for how long? I’m not really sure.

I get different responses and reactions from people who learned that I was leaving my work of more than 8 years. They saw how I’ve greatly experienced different forms of blessings through my work that it seems to be a waste to just leave like that.

But, I totally understand these kind of responses. To be able to find a new job is never easier than leaving the current one.

However, I had to leave. Why? Because God said so…

A full time ministry work opened three months ago which I felt was an answered prayer of my desire of doing full time work for the church. With much prayer, I applied. A month after, I decided to submit my resignation even without the certainty that I’ll get the full time work. God gave me peace for my decision. The timing of events for my application was God’s way of affirming me that I did the right thing.

As I went through the last few steps of my application, I was having the confidence that I’m already in.  I just had to wait on the next final steps.

December 27, Friday was my last day in the company since the rest of the days of the month were holidays. As I was returning all company assets, I felt God telling me “I just want you out from there.”  I took it as it is, didn’t bother to even ask what He meant by it.

That Friday night, I checked my personal emails and got an update for my ministry application. They did not select me for the position.

My first reaction – I laughed. I felt like I got “punked” or something. Seriously, the news had to break on my last day?!

I realized God made things happen to push me to a decision that I will not waver. I thought I got everything figured out after I resign. However, God has a very different plan in mind. He just used that situation to get me out of there. Who am I to complain and question? God brought me to that world in the first place. He can always take me out from that world however and whenever He wanted to.

I felt sad with the result of my application. But it made me more excited of God’s amazing plan for my life. Right now, the only thing I’m certain about is the uncertainties in my life. I just have to live each day by faith – much deeper faith.

As I went through this journey, I got reminded that my life is indeed not about me. My life has always been about God and what He can do through me. He is the one who enabled me to go through this journey and He will be the one who will get the glory for how this journey will turn out to be.

God never wanted us to live by what our eyes can only see or our mind can only comprehend. He always wanted us to live by faith on Him.

 “For we live by faith, not by sight.” 2 Cor 5:7 

 The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!”  He replied, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree,‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.”  Luke 17:5-6

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The Real THING

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I’m glad that Jesus called us (Christians) His friends. And because of that, we can talk anything to Him, knowing the fact that He always listens. These past months, I’ve been having a lot of conversations with God. And you know what, I’m just happy that God doesn’t get sick and tired of listening to us. Because really, I will get tired listening to myself. I’ve been talking to God over and over the same things.  Isn’t God so patient with us? And what’s nice about it, His patience is endless.

What have I been talking to God endlessly recently? With my age, I wish I could be talking to God about having a lifetime partner. But surprisingly, God wants me to talk to Him about what He has called me for – going full time. I really wish it is about the lifetime partner. You know why? Because I don’t think I’m even worthy for such calling. I don’t even know if I am capable to go full time. And, I have so many concerns. What about my family’s needs? What about my finances? What about my team at work? But last Nov. 25, 2012, during the Single’s Big 8 Retreat, I said Yes to God.  And last Dec. 10, 2012, during the Christmas gathering for D12/Dgroup leaders, I said Yes again to God when Ptr. Edmund Chan made the call. It wasn’t an easy Yes. It was a tearful Yes, only made possible by God’s grace.

Then what? God wanted me to prepare. He didn’t say when or how. He only said – prepare. Before I went home for Christmas last year, I was praying that God would give me the boldness to talk to my parents about my desire. I also prayed that God would prepare the heart of my parents. It is part of the preparation that I need to do. God as always was so amazing. I wasn’t expecting the response of my father. My father’s very words, “If that is your calling, who am I to stop you.” And the words which really struck me, “Who knows, God has prepared bigger things for you.” At that moment, my father who is still until now seeking in his faith, made me realize that he even has bigger faith than mine. God is just amazing!

Then what? I was trying to convince myself I wasn’t worrying. But you can never get away with God. He knows the deepest of our hearts. He is all-knowing. He made us. He designed us. He knows what we will say before we even say it. He just knows everything.  No escape. And so I admit, I have been worrying. Now you would understand why I made Hebrews 11:1 my theme verse. But God has been very forgiving and gracious to me. He comforts my anxiety. His peace gives me rest. His promises open my eyes. This cycle has been ongoing. I worry, God forgives and comforts. I really don’t think I’m capable of such calling.

I want to share to you my journal yesterday, Jan. 19, 2013. I wrote to God in the morning.

Lord,

You said that you are the light of this world and whoever follows you will never walk in darkness. I’m at this time of my life that I want to do certain things for You because that’s what my heart desires. But I don’t know Lord if these are what you have set for me. I need your light to guide my decisions Lord. I need You to give me a clear direction for what you want me to do. I’m not really sure if me staying in my current work is still your will for me. If it is Lord, please give me an opportunity to grow in my career. If you still want me to stay, please show me Lord that there is still something else I can do and I can become in my career. If you want me to go, please open a door for me that is specific and clear. I believe that You are not a complicated God. That when You speak, You always make it clear. That when You instruct, You always make sure I understand. Teach me to hear You clearly Lord. Show me the path.

It’s not really a nice prayer. It was my desperate prayer. I am getting tired already asking God – how. I just poured out my heart to God as I desperately want to know His will for me.  Shame on me getting tired when God never gets tired listening.  God is the only perfect Friend who will never fail to listen. And He doesn’t only listen, He also answers. When you talk to Him, you’re not talking to a wall. God is real and alive.

Written Jan. 20, 2013