Tag Archives: Jesus

Deep Thoughts on Missions

Since I chose the intimacy road with the Lord, doing missions has crossed my mind several times. The desire is there and then it would die down. Then, it would come back again, die d own again. And recently, such desire came back again.

I’ve really been thinking, praying, really asking God about it. Just yesterday, I was reading Ephesians 2, and in verse 10 – “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” I asked God, “What else have You prepared for me to do? ”  

My passion is the Lord and comes with it is serving Him in ways that He shows me how. As what I always say to my self, it is a great privilege for an ordinary person like me to be used by God.  And it is always an immeasurable joy to serve Him!

I still don’t know if this is really what God wants me to do for Him. Where I am is my mission field. And when time comes He will answer my question, wherever or however  – it doesn’t matter as long as I’m serving the King of kings.

Hope you’ll pray with me on this too. 🙂

28: Be True to Your Self



One thing I’ve realized for the past couple of years, honesty to one’s self is just as important  with being true to other people. I’ve learned this the hard way and well, still in that process.

Right now, I’m in that phase where I’m trying to accept certain truths in my life. Some, I don’t understand. Some, a bit painful. Some, gives me peace. Only God helps me accept all of these, knowing that even if some don’t make sense to me.  They do to Him.

Accepting who you are, what you are designed for, with whom you are meant for – these are not easy truths. What you feel & think – facing them means hurting you sometimes.

But God always allow things for our best. This comforts me. Knowing He will sustain me, strengthen me, be with me all through out. I can face anything, as long as I’m with Jesus.

Truth about my self? Each day, I need my Savior to lift me up so that I can go on with my life.

To Jesus be the glory!


Of Salvation and Caterpillars

by Xenia Dee on Thursday, July 26, 2012 at 12:57pm

I’m the caterpillar trying to break out of my cocoon, not because it served as a chrysalis, but because I felt helpless and choked inside this small little space with no room to breathe. How enticing is the world outside? i consistently ask myself. How tempting is the freedom that awaits me far beyond this ghastly colored world.
I’m the caterpillar wanting to grow something that will get me up and away. Something….. anything to get me as far away from here as possible. Away from the rubbish that rots my soul and leaves me useless and ungrateful. Away from the doubts and fears that I have of the unknown-of what is to come. Away from security–away from being ordinary and bland. Away from sanity and sanitary. Away from this self that I loathe and am willing to disregard.

My wanting to escape gives me strength to open the fibers of this brown case slowly, more like Pandora opening that box that she hoped would give her eternity. I made a small opening and inhaled. One breath of fresh air and I am ecstatic, one glimpse of this different light and I am renewed. I feel stronger, confident, secure that this is my hearts’ desire.

Hopeful, I take a peek at the small hole that I made through the cocoon—-and i SIGH!

It’s nothing like I’ve ever seen, felt nor touched before, exceeding all my expectations! It’s BEAUTIFUL!

The freedom of knowing that there is something higher, grander and more significant than this world that I live in right now is overpowering the caterpillar in me. There is a higher purpose for me, other than just being slaved and confirmed to the world that I am in. The cocoon has never been my home. It is not our home. My eyes are opened for the very first time, the scales that covered it fell out. I was right all along. This cocoon cannot hold me down. It is but a mere facade to compared to the glory and beauty that is before me. And oh, what beauty it was. What was once a life of despair, boredom, shallowness, uselessness, sin, shame and insecurities has now become exciting, wild, free, lovely, fulfulling—a life of purpose!!! Before me, i smell new life; I feel it; I could taste it!

A rush of adrenaline enveloped me and i tore the cocoon off of me, leaving me bare and new. The light was blinding but my eyes was fixed on the ONE who was in front of me. Has He been waiting there at the other side of the cocoon all along? How long has He been waiting for me? Why is He waiting for me? Beauty surrounded Him, and the glory that surrounds Him my body could not stand. Oh, such beauty!! All that my heart heard from Him was that He welcomes me and He loves me. That He has been waiting for me to let go of being a caterpillar,to then die as a caterpillar, and arise in beauty. My eyes only saw the Maker of me. I never left His gaze, and He never left mine. My heart stopped beating for a couple seconds, it was like synchronizing to the beating of His heart. And when it started to come alive for the second time, I realized that I wasn’t living for myself anymore but for Him. In Him and with Him and through Him, I am free, for He is freedom. I have been redeemed! I am set free!!

Romans 6:6-7
For we know that our old self was crucified with Him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin because anyone who has died has been set free from sin. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.

I stepped forward into my new life–and there wasn’t any hint of fear–none at all. For the very moment that I gave up my cocoon, He blessed me with WINGS.

A Facilitator’s Journal


When my dear friend, Rhodes, asked me if I could be a facilitator for an upcoming singles retreat, I didn’t have second thoughts of saying yes.  I have a great passion in reaching out to single women and sharing God’s love to them.  At that time (and even until now), I felt so privileged that God gave me the invitation to serve Him by allowing me to do something that my heart truly desires for.

A week before the retreat, I got sick. I didn’t have enough rest as well since I went home for my dad’s 60th birthday.  When I got back, I was working for the rest of the week on a 2pm-12am shift. But those things, I didn’t allow to get into all my preparations for the conference. I studied the material for module 1 with the available time that I have. I prepared the things that I need to bring 2 days before the retreat. And I just kept praying that I will not get a migraine on the event itself due to my lack of sleep. I was totally depending on God that He would sustain me for the rest of the conference.

The most important thing that I had to do before the retreat was to do a heart check. Days before the retreat, I kept checking my heart if my motives were still right for this retreat. It was really helpful for me because I didn’t want to do something for the wrong reasons. The reason why I was looking forward to the event was aside from being able to serve God, I was very much excited on how God will work in the hearts of the participants. I was excited on the souls that will be saved.

July 21 – Saturday

I arrived home from work 12 midnight, slept for 3 hours, and amazingly woke up with no migraine, no headache. Really grateful to God for giving me a good physical condition despite of my cough and coarse voice. I had been praying for a nice weather for the event but apparently, God had His own way. Just when we got into the bus, there was a sudden downpour of rain. But the rain really didn’t bother me. I was thinking that God can stop it if He wants to.

It was my first time in Rizal Recreation Center in Laguna. It was a nice getaway place from the busyness of Manila. Everything green. The first part of the activity was really a good one.  It woke up all our sleepy senses – with those animal sounds, mind-boggling puzzles and funny pick up lines.  Good job to those who prepared for it. 🙂

When I met the participants in the breakout group I was assigned to, and learned their reasons why they were in the retreat, I was really amazed. Some of them shouldn’t have been there because they got sick the night before the retreat, some have other important things to finish and even others just got off from work in the morning.  But because nothing can hinder God’s plan for them, even before they were in the retreat, they already took the first step of pursuing God. And that’s by choosing to go.

The topics for Module 1 were not new to me already.  They are the basic teachings of Christianity. But at that time, going back to the basic was what I really needed. I had been praying that the participants would just be open to all the messages they will be hearing. And that they will accept God’s Word with all sincerity in their hearts. But I didn’t know that God also gave me a teachable and humble heart. While listening to all the speakers, I felt like I was that person years ago who was just starting to seek God. I was like the participants, very hungry in knowing God more.  It is in the basics that we are reminded why we are doing the things that we are doing right at the moment. I just praise God for the speakers. Not just the ladies in my group, even I, was really blessed and refreshed in their messages.

The Date Night or  I would rather call it Socials Night was really a good way to show to the participants that being a Christian is not boring as it is stereotyped to be. That we also love doing fun things together that would strengthen the relationship and build up one another. And with everyone in their best attires, all would agree, that everyone really had a great night to end their day. And I might just not know, some might have found already their God’s best during that night. Hmmm.. 🙂 Great job to the organizers!

July  22 – Sunday

Just as I was very much overwhelmed (and still am) with how the ladies in my group responded to God’s love, I was also in awe during the baptism.  I don’t know most of the participants who went through baptism.  I may never know their stories, but that day, they told the most important story of their lives. It’s really amazing how God’s love could transform each and every one of us. That day, I felt the heaven rejoicing with us.

The theme of the conference is “Pursue Love”.  After learning all about God’s love in the first day, Mr. Glenn Yu’s message, I can say was the best way to end  the conference.  Pursuing God’s love does not end in the conference.  It was really good that he explained why do we need to pursue Love and even made a clear definition of what true love is. It was really a take home.

In those two days, God made me practice humility, total dependence, patience and grace in a different level. Right from the start, God had reminded me already that the event was not about me or about anyone else. It was about Him. It’s His work. And how He would want things to happen, He has the final say because He was the one who planned for it. No sickness nor rain nor technical difficulty nor even people differences can hinder any of His plans for the participants.

God’s plan. God’s implementation. God’s glory.

“If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. ” (1 Cor 13:1-7 TheMsg)

– Pepay // Beautifully Waiting.Pursuing Love.