Tag: marriage

Not Who, But Why

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I was recently introduced to a book that is for singles who are considering marriage. I’ve read so many books about waiting and about maximizing being single, but never a marriage book for singles. Thus, the first.   

I’m glad I got a copy of the book. I got so many practical insights which gave me a new perspective about dating and marriage.  

As the tag line of the book says, “It’s not about who you marry, but why.” I realized I got so focused on the kind of person I am hoping to marry someday but never really answered the question – WHY? 

Unlike some women I know, when people asked me when I was younger what I wanted to be someday, I never thought about marriage or having my own family. However, you eventually reach to that point that you start thinking about it. Not just about being in a relationship and dating, but getting married and having a family. 

I won’t reveal the content of the book, as I hope if you are single, would read it as well.  

But I just want to share one important thing that took me back to the right foundation and thinking that the book highlighted. 

Matthew 6:33 was set as the foundation as to the WHY you want to get married. It says, “But seek first God’s kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

I realized I’ve been seeking things that I thought God would want me to do or have but I forgot to seek Him first. With having this verse in mind, it helps me have the right perspective of “Why” do I want to get married. 

And, someday, I will share it to you why. 

Seek GOD first.

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Bakit Wala Ka Pang Asawa?

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Bakit Wala Ka Pang Asawa? (Why Are You Not Yet Married?)

There are times when I meet a single man or woman – successful, good looking, has a good character, has the right age for marriage, I would always ask myself, “Bakit kaya wala pa siyang asawa?” (with a big question mark). I just can’t find any reason why such person can’t be married yet.

Bakit nga ba? Bakit? Bakit?

Truth is, there is not one specific answer. If there is, I could have been married now and all my other single friends too.

Some could have their own reasons of why, some could have formulated their own ready answers just to easily deal with it, and some are still trying to figure it out.

But then I realize, the answer to the “Why” is something that we need to leave with God.  Would we be able to handle if God would answer it?  Instead, we should start asking God, “What?”

 What should I be doing while I’m still single?

Do I have a balanced personal and work life?

Is my character displaying godly traits?

Is my mind perceiving the right thoughts?

Am I committed to my relationship with God, family and peers?

A lot of married couples say that being single is truly a blessing. It is a phase in life that should be maximized and not wasted on unnecessary things. However, this is something most singles fail to realize. Some are too focused in their careers and ambitions that they forgot about relationships. Or, some wanting to have all sorts of experiences that they jump from one relationship to another. Some are living the life the way they want it to be and just don’t care of the consequences. And some, clouded by their own insecurities, fears and failures that they just gave up trying to become better.

 Until  we start doing “What” God has intended us to do, we will continue to miss out the blessings of being single.

We just have to trust God that when the right time comes, just like when God brought Eve to Adam, God will also make it happen for us. Until God is not yet done with us being single, we will never be married.

So for now…

Let’s set aside the “Why” and start doing the “What”.

blessings

Married to Single over Starbucks

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A married couple from church offered me a ride home today. I thought they’ll just drop me off at the mall, but they also wanted to have coffee and stroll around. They invited me to join them and even gave me a frappuccino treat. It’s likea double treat! Free ride and free drink.

But wait, there’s more! 🙂

The best treat was to hear their own story of waiting. I can’t share their full story as I haven’t asked permission from them but I’ll share my take home notes.

1. I realized how important as a single to not just spend time with single friends but also with married ones. As we hear stories from married couples, it gives us a different perspective on how we should wait while we are still single. Take it from them, the experts!

2. Waiting doesn’t end when we are married. Waiting might even be harder when we are married. Waiting for a better job to support the family. Waiting for a baby to come. Waiting for a spouse who got assigned in a different place. I believe that being single is really a good training ground for waiting. So let waiting build our character!

3. Waiting teaches us to make mature decisions. We tend to be impulsive in our decisions because we only want what’s easy and comfortable. We never think of long term because we don’t want to wait. We want instant results. Another thing I learned over that Starbucks conversation – waiting may take long years but once it ends, we can move forward reaping and enjoying the results of it. That’s when we can say, indeed, it was worth it!

4. There is no deny that waiting is not just difficult but most of the time, really painful. It could really get frustrating that we just want to give up. It’s something that can’t be changed in the journey of waiting but it’s something that we can overcome. Having God in our life makes waiting less hard. It’s because we don’t rely on our own strength but on God’s. I must say, God makes waiting exciting than tiring!

5. And lastly singles, waiting is not a phase before marriage. A lot of married couples didn’t have to wait before they got married. A lot of couples are waiting on something even after they got married. Waiting, itself, is just like marriage. It is an event in our life that God has allowed to happen. And the good news is? GOD NEVER LETS US WAIT IN VAIN.

This couple’s story is one of those that displays God’s faithfulness to those who learn how to wait. Truly blessed to hear and learn from it. 🙂

What a triple treat today!!!

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